Hello, it’s been some time. Things look a little different around here, don’t they?
Here’s what I’ve been up to since you last heard from me in April 2020 (according to now-archived posts):
I burnt out working in nonprofits for nearly a decade and sought a change
I studied for and passed the PMP exam
I was offered a PM position with a creative studio based in Philly
I got married
I bought a house
I burnt out again (LOL) and sought a pivot into tech (double LOL)
I got pregnant
I was offered a PM position with a product design studio based in SF
I worked on really interesting projects with clients like Airbnb and Stripe
I gave birth and went on parental leave
I was laid off on a video call while rocking my 3-month-old to sleep1
And this is where you find me, a month later, a bit shaken but finding my footing. These days I’m anchored by the rhythms of caring for a now 4-month-old.
Baby sleep is perhaps the most discussed subject among parents in the US; how to ensure it happens, predict when it will happen, and eventually, importantly, schedule it! As a culture, we are deeply concerned with making babies and toddlers fit the tempo of capitalism: perfectly timed naps of predictable lengths, sleeping separately from either parent, perfectly timed feeds of predictable lengths, and so on.
Yes, sleep is important for new parents so that they can better care for their little ones, and babies need routine and rest to grow. Still, I suspect this extreme urgency around baby sleep has more to do with how closely success-as-a-parent is tied to getting back to your pre-baby lifestyle/body/activities AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. It’s all about bouncing back! To yourself, sure, sure, but mostly to your job, which very reluctantly gave you the absolute minimum time off and, in some deeply magnanimous cases, even PAID for it!
Anyway, our little imp has entered what is known as the 4-month sleep regression. Like many other elements of pregnancy, postpartum, and child-rearing (morning sickness, baby blues, etc.) it’s a misnomer.
Are they regressing? Not really. They’re just starting to produce their own melatonin instead of getting it exclusively from breastmilk (if they are fed that way) and their sleep cycles are gradually becoming more like an adult’s cycles. This takes some time and calibration of course. It can’t be forced. Babies are not cars or computers.
I’ve been relatively fortunate that although she has 2-3 wakeups per night, they are regularly timed and I’m usually able to get around 3 hours of sleep between each one. She’ll give me a luxurious 5-hour stretch every now and then, which I wake up from with a normally inconceivable zest for life.
This piece distills the sensation that has come to me most often as a new parent. Caring for another being day in and day out has rendered so much of my past fear and indecision immaterial. The focus and presence required to care for her well has buoyed me. What a joy. What a gift.
I hope you’ve been well in these last few years. I’d love to hear your updates too!
If you’re wondering how this is legal (as many have when I shared the news) it is because my position was eliminated through layoffs, along with half the roles in the (already small) company, as opposed to being fired in retaliation. There was no need to pay out the remainder of my leave because I was laid off on the last day of paid leave. The remaining 3 months of leave would be unpaid. And truthfully, although parting was jarring and poorly (or perfectly?) timed, I’m glad for the time I spent there.